How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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