I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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