Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
