You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Randomize
