I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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