Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
