If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
