so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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