I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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