my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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