I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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