even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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