You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
