Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
wakey wakey hands off snakey
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
