It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
