Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
