I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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