So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
why is half of my head shaved?
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