dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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