i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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