Define "chronic" masturbator.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
