I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
