He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
