I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
