i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
