it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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