I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
