I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
