if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
