So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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