We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
