I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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