He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
