If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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