So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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