I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
