My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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