with your own penis?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
