just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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