why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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