fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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