Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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