How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
