Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
