that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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