Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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