Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
