I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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