did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
