just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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