Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
