i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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