and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We need a shit load of segways right now
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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