It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
