Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
