there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
