i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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