So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
