Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize