i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
