Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
