Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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