fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
