people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
