he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
