in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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