Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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