i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
