Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
