Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I want a musical about memes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
