I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
