Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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