You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
