I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
