My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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